


Never Have I Ever

by Halfling



Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-14
Updated: 2011-12-14
Packaged: 2017-10-27 08:07:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/293539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halfling/pseuds/Halfling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony throws a party for the Avengers plus Pepper Potts and Phil Coulson, and they play "Never Have I Ever."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Have I Ever

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of headcanon at work here, don't yell at me too harshly if I get something wrong!

When Tony first suggested they throw a party for all the Avengers staying at the mansion, Steve thought it sounded like a fun and reasonable idea. That was his first mistake. When Tony ordered half the stock of the local liquor store to be delivered, Steve disapproved, but Tony said "Trust me," and Steve did. That was his second mistake. But, it didn't turn out so bad.

When he told everyone about the party, their reactions were mixed. Bruce and Natasha flat-out refused to come at first, so Tony bribed Natasha and told Bruce it was mandatory for teamwork building purposes. Clint asked if he could invite Agent Phil Coulson, which struck them all as a little odd but no one had any real objections. Thor thought it sounded like "a glorious idea," and promised to bring Asgardian mead. Steve made sure to extend an invitation to Pepper, and before they knew it, the party was on and they had a full house.

At first, everyone just sat around, listening to the music Tony had chosen and chatting amongst themselves. "Well, this will just not do," Tony said. To the group, he announced, "Okay, it's Never Have I Ever time, who hasn't played?"

Thor, Bruce, and Steve all raised their hands.

Tony raised an eyebrow. "Really, guys? I expected Thor, but, okay. Here's how you play, everyone starts out with ten shots. The first person to go says something they've never done, and if you've done it, you have to take a shot. Run out of shots and you win."

"I thought you lost if you ran out of shots," Clint spoke up.

"Maybe when losers play. I play to win." Tony grinned at him like a cat. It made Steve a little uneasy. "So, everyone, get your shots. Last one back has to go first!"

There was a flurry of movement as people gathered around the unmanned but well-stocked wet bar.

Bruce was the last to return, so he went first, "This feels a little juvenile, but in the spirit of teamwork, I guess here goes nothing: Never have I ever received a speeding ticket."

Clint and Tony quickly drained a shot, Pepper looking guilty as she followed suit. Tony noticed and asked, "Really, Pep?"

"Oh shut up, it was in college!" She got sympathetic laughs from the other college graduates.

Coulson was up next. "I haven't played this since my training days at the academy, but as I seem to remember, this game is often sexual in nature, am I right?" There were gleeful nods from Clint and Tony, slightly worried nods from the girls. "Okay. Never have I ever kissed a girl."

There was a moment of shock while everyone took in this statement, then the unmistakable sound of every other person in the room taking a shot. That demanded inquiries for details of Pepper and Natasha, who both refused to elaborate, clearly enjoying the frustration this caused.

"Okay, my turn!" Clint said. "Never have I ever dated someone younger than me."

Other than Clint, Natasha was the only one not to drink. She winked at Pepper, but it went unnoticed by everyone else.

It was Natasha's turn next, and she had a knowing grin on her face. "Never have I ever shaved my face."

The men in the room gave a collective groan and took their shots.

Steve was up next. "Well that wasn't fair to the guys in the room, so for mine I'll say, never have I ever worn eyeliner."

Natasha and Pepper took their shots in good nature. Clint proclaimed, "I hate you, and I'm not explaining," then took a shot as well. That elicited laughs from everyone.

Tony had to raise his voice to be heard over the din, but when he could breath again he said, "Okay, me now. Never have I ever gotten a tattoo."

Clint just flipped him off and took another shot. Natasha joined him, and soon they were chanting to see them. Clint jumped on the table and took off his shirt. Sure enough, on his right side, a black and white mockingbird was in flight. Natasha announced they'd all have to get to know her a LOT better before they were seeing her particular skin art.

Thor was next in the circle. "I believe I am beginning to understand the rules of this fun game! Never have I ever made love to one I work with."

This statement was met with silence. Several nervous glances were exchanged around the room, and for a moment no one moved. Coulson was the first to break the tension. He had been staring at Clint every since he took off his shirt, but now he just shrugged and took a shot, followed right after by a subdued Clint. The others began to drink until everyone but Thor had taken a shot, and they all looked guilty as hell about it.

"Well, that was awkward," Pepper said. "Shall we all fess up now or later?"

"Phil and I are seeing each other." Clint blurted. He looked uncharacteristically embarrassed, but smiled when Coulson slipped a hand into his.

"Well, you do have impeccable taste," Natasha said with a little laugh. "I've moved on since our fling too. Pepper and I are together now." They smiled at each from across the circle.

"Well isn't tonight a night for confessions? Steve and I have been fucking for, oh, how long would you say now, Steve?"

Steve, who was turning several shades of red, just said, "What about you, Bruce?"

"Oh don't look at me, I haven't been with anyone in this room."

That lightened the mood considerably. Pepper spoke up, "Well I think I'm the only one who hasn't gone yet, who's winning?"

After a quick count they found Clint had only four shots left, with Pepper and Tony tied with five.

"Okay, time to resume play! Never have I ever cross-dressed."

There was some debate on what exactly constituted cross-dressing, and if certain circumstances negated an exception or not, but eventually Natasha, Clint and Phil all took shots.

Natasha had cross-dressed to gain access to a bar only open to men back in her spy days, Clint had been forced to wear a dress once as hazing in school. Coulson was forced to explain how when he was little, his mother had dressed him in dresses as part of a new-age no-gender-stereotype parenting fad. The blessing, he said, was that no picture evidence remained.

"No one's at ten shots yet, does this mean I go again?" Bruce asked. After confirming nods from several people in the circle, he continued. "Never have I ever had tequila."

Everyone but Bruce, Steve, and Thor drank.

"We still going in the same order? Guess I'm up then," Phil said. "Never have I woken up in the morning and not known where I was or remembered how I got there."

Tony, Steve, Clint, Bruce, and Thor all took shots. Tony gave Steve a look, so he explained, "When I woke up from being frozen."

"Ah, hadn't thought oh that." Tony said. "Guess poor Bruce here has to go through the same thing every time you Hulk out, eh?"

Bruce put up his hands in a "What can I say?" gesture.

"I have felt as you have felt my brother," Thor boomed. "For when I awoke on this planet for the first time I was not certain it was Earth I had landed upon."

"Well I don't know if anyone has noticed, but I'm only down to one shot so I guess it's a good thing I'm next," Clint said. "Never have I ever had anyone ask if I was a virgin."

That got a round of laughter and Bruce, Phil, Steve, and Pepper all took shots.

Natasha smiled at Clint. "Well, I could be nice and say something that I know Clint hasn't done, but it's so much more fun to make him lose, so never have I ever been to the circus."

"So very not fair, but well played." Clint said, taking his last shot. Tony, Steve, Phil, and Pepper joined him, and after another count it was determined that Thor won by a huge margin. He had only taken four shots the whole game. They all vowed to take him out in the world next time they weren't working and get him more proper Earth experiences. After that people started to bid goodnight and leave, Natasha and Pepper to Natasha's room, and Clint and Coulson to Clint's room. Bruce claimed he needed to get some sleep or he would Hulk out before too long, and Thor went in search of poptarts to eat. Then it was just Steve and Tony alone among the sea of shot glasses, more empty than full.

"That was good." Tony said, leaning on Steve.

"Much better than I expected."

"I told you to trust me."

"Well for once I'm glad I did." Steve kissed Tony playfully.

"For once? Oh, I see the love I get." Tony snarked with a grin.

"Mmhm." Steve pulled Tony across his lap so he could get a better angle for kissing.

"Man, we really are one big convoluted family now, aren't we?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

Tony couldn't help but agree.


End file.
